That little voice

Have your heard anybody talking to themselves and wondered if or not they’re crazy?

Try out Squirt – speed reading.

I once had a week-long stay in the Nambour hospital mental ward when I came across some very interesting behaviour. At the time I was in exactly open minded to other peoples issues and I brushed off as crazy people being crazy largely due to the situation and environment I was in at the time. But I came to realise last night (not for the first time) that almost everyone would have the ability to behave this way if given the right circumstances.

What I’m referring to is speaking with your internal dialogue and having seemingly meaningful conversations with it. I read a book called conversations with God wherein the entire premise of the book was based on a man having a conversation with his internal dialogue which he identified as God. The book is well written and easy to follow and I believe that the author indeed believed he was speaking with God. I can relate quite well to what I perceive the author was doing, as there are two distinct voices in my mind, one that I feel I am consciously in charge of just like how I would feel if speaking to someone externally, and another that I feel is some type of subconscious identity. This subconscious identity is what people might call a voice in one’s head because you don’t feel as if you’re directly in control of this voice but ultimately it is part of you because it’s inside of your mind. One simple example of this voice in action is when you ask yourself a question by thinking it, and then an answer is presented that you didn’t directly think about or consciously manifest.

It doesn’t feel to me to be unnatural or strange as I’ve dealt with it since I can remember thinking, as I was brought up Catholic I identified this voice as God after a while but before then I had a weird name for it that started with Z which for the life of me I can’t remember. I distinctly remember sitting cross-legged on parade at the Catholic primary School I went to when I was in prep holding my eyes closed with my hands and having a conversation or believing I was receiving instructions from a higher being or something like that, and that wasn’t the first time it had happened because I remember I had a method to this thing that I was doing (keep in mind I was six years old at the time).

From time to time I have come into contact with the little voice and I sometimes ask it important questions and sometimes ask it unimportant questions (also keep in mind that I am only using the term “it” as reference to subconscious internal dialogue to reduce any confusion that might arise from me describing conversing with myself), and it to the best of my knowledge has never steered me wrong or given me an incorrect answer.

A conversation with myself usually happens when I am walking by myself for a decent distance, where I’m left no choice but to go over my thoughts.

I do have a small concern when it comes to this voice in my head as my mums aunty was diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic and was highly dosed on morphine for many years before she passed away. I feel as though that paranoid schizophrenia is an extreme manifestation of this voice or voices as the case may be. My mum told me once that the voices her aunty heard were biblical in nature. This may be a coincidence but I met a man in the Nambour Hospital mental ward, whom was diagnosed schizophrenic among other things, describing the voices he heard internally biblical in nature. I can’t remember the exact conversation but I feel as though the voices he heard were giving him instructions to carry out, and it was a constant battle for him day to day.

I believe the voice inside my head, my subconscious internal dialogue, has my best interests at heart, and as with any advice I receive from any source I analyse logically and make a decision based on rational conscious thought before I proceed with any action. So I don’t believe there’s any need to call the men in the white coats just yet, that might only be necessary if the advice becomes detrimental to my life.